I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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