The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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