We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
