Plan B is the new Plan A
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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