Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
