apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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