She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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