you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
