Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
