Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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