I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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