so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize