I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
