Just fell off a train. Bad.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
