My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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