That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Randomize
