i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
If that was your dad, he is hot
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
