the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
