Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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