my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Of course I have a pirate flag
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
