Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
