I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Randomize
