I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
