so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My vagina is officially offended.
Randomize
