I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
