hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
