Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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