What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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