I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
