put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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