Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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