I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize