was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
