i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Im part way to drunk.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
