Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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