Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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