Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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