Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
