I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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