My girlfriend figured out who you are.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
