Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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