dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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