you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
