i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
