New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Randomize
