its not stalking. its research.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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