It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
