Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
