im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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