I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
