ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
did i just pee glitter
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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