Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
