You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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