I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
