she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
