i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Never underestimate the power of titties
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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