What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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