Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
