Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Your dad touched me again.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
