If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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