Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
