YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
