The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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