so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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