Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
