one two three fourrrrnication!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
