please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So much rum. So many feels.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
