Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize