So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
